More insociability (yada, yada, yada)

In my previous post, I came across as crying "victim!" in terms of my social failures. I’d like to remedy that.

Why I freak people out

1) Peculiar announcements. For example, in a seminar once, a conversation revolved around gender and literature. I seldom spoke in the class, but this time, I was unstoppable. “Ezra Pound once declared that “the brain is essentially a great clot of genital fluid” (e.g., the intellect is, essentially, male). Everybody turned to stare at me, open-mouthed. I attempted to explain why I divulged this curious, if mildly revolting, quote, but quickly gave up. I was a bit surprised that my colleagues, primarily modernists, were unfamiliar with the cite. But never mind.

2) When I’ve done something I feel badly about--shame or embarrassment--I shut down to others. And I tend to walk about looking angry (although I’m not--but my face is “set”; I'm trying to mask my emotional state, and I suppose it appears angry). I add this because today someone asked me if I was upset over something, and I was feeling fine at the time.

3) When I drink to excess at parties and other gatherings, I can become overly aggressive, sexually inappropriate (making passes at people even though I‘m not interested in actually having sex, making out with female friends--who I later avoid out of embarrassment), or I begin gossiping, talking about my experiences, etc. People are interested in none of the above; truth be told, I’d avoid someone like drunken me.

4) As I can’t do the small talk, and the “introductions” thing, I come across as a snobby, superior bitch. I’d like to claim I’m not, but maybe I am.

Actually, I can be a miserably moody female. Who wants to be around that?